SELF PLEASURE

This week on 'Straight Talk with Ella Bleu,' we got down to the nitty-gritty on self pleasure.

Most people sneak up on self pleasure at an early age when they are discovering their bodies. Prior to that the body just appeared to be this intricate piece of art that we didn't understand; like we know a car needs gas but have no idea how to build an engine. So the question is: how did self pleasure become so taboo?

If you grew up in a religious home you know that lustful thoughts were shunned upon. Self pleasure was attached to feelings of guilt and remorse (it's amazing to me how religion has the ability to stifle your growth by instilling fear but I'm not going there today). So what we discovered is that the people who masturbate tend to know their bodies and enjoy sex more because they already know the way to their erogenous zones. If you get nothing more from this, please do not rely on your partner to teach you about your own body. I learned my body so know EVERYTHING. Even if I have a headache I can feel the knot in my neck or shoulders and kneed it out. Our bodies are always talking to us.

Your body is a sacred place where spirit resides. Imagine how great your sexual experience would be if you both knew your own bodies. Hopefully some of you can already giving a convincing amen to that! I'm not saying go home and ritualistically please yourself everyday but it should be a periodic exercise to explore the inner & outter workings of your body...a work of art.

To listen to a podcast of "The Masturbation, Fascination," go http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ellableu/2009/07/08/Straight-Talk-with-Ella-Bleu

The Ex Factor!

First of all, let me say your ex’s are in the past for a reason and it’s probably best they stay there. I think we should always be moving onward and forward and the goal is to have received a life lesson from your relationship so you don’t feel the need to go back. To go back is like saying, “God, I missed what you were trying to tell me, please show me again”. If you choose to go back, be a conscious observer the next time around.

Our topic Tuesday on “Straight Talk with Ella Bleu,” was about being friends with your ex’s. It seems that even if people aren’t romantically involved, they are still maintaining some type of contact. Generally speaking, people still care about the well being of their ex’s and to some degree find it comforting to associate with the familiar; someone who knows and accepts you for who they are even if they can’t stand the thought of living with your ass! The biggest highlight is now you can take that person in doses and not on a regular basis.

What surprised me the most is that some of these ex’s are SECRETS from your current mates. I keep hearing the hook from an old Xscape song when they said, “You’re my little secret and that’s how we should keep it…” Apparently some things are better off left unsaid but is that silence a form of deception?

My advice is to let the cat out of the bag early on in the relationship because at that point you have nothing to lose. Be open about your ex’s during the “getting to know you stage”. You will gain that person’s respect and you will also show that you have no regrets about your past because after all, your past is what made you the person you are today.

The ex is only a factor if you let it be.

SEX IS A SPIRITUAL EXCURSION

All of our true desires are spiritual and our bodies are just vehicles to accomplish them, therefore even sex is a spiritual excursion. Trust me, your spirit is not looking for sex but rather a connection so deep, so intense, that you and your mate can move a mountain when your energies collide.

Last night on our radio show, “Straight Talk with Ella Bleu,” our guest Erik Gordon said dating is all about SEX and that basically relationships begin and end with the mighty power of sex.

I think he’s partially right but sex for the sake of penetration is a means to cover-up some deep seeded issues. Sex becomes a distraction so you don’t have to deal with what you really want…which is ever lasting love. I think the problem is a lot of us don’t even feel true love exists and have just given up somewhere along the say. Men have it the worst because they are taught the abuse of sex is a macho birthright but our gift from God is LOVE – not sex. You’re spirit didn’t travel light years to be right here, right now just to bust a… well you know what I’m getting at.

Hey, have sex like jackrabbits all you want – I’m not judging but instead I’m saying be mindful of your distractions vs. your spiritual desires but keep in mind awareness means you have greater responsibility. I’ve been there, done that, I’m definitely not a saint but the key is being aware of where you’re at in your life and setting your sights on higher plateau’s for the future.

So tell me, what are your spiritual desires? AND if sex is a spiritual excursion...how are you going to get there?


Check out our show from last night. Here's the link for the podcast: http://tobtr.com/s/554652

APHRODISIAC SCENTS

One of the strongest of the 5 senses is the sense of smell. Our nose has the exotic ability to pick up a scent and tap into our memory and our strongest desires. My favorite scent is of a man, of course, but an untapped man; no perfumes to cover up his pheromones. Pheromones are chemicals released by living organisms to send messages to beings of the same species. Have you ever noticed someone's natural scents just seemed uncannily familiar and safe to you?

In an article on suite101.com called, “Love, Sex and the Sense of Smell,” it says studies on the role of aromas in attractiveness and romance have found that:
· women prefer the smell of men whose genetics are similar but not too similar to their own
· men prefer women's body odor during the time of the month when they are fertile

I find it very intriguing that we pick up scents on a genetic level. It means we have the ability to detect someone’s energy just from their natural fragrance. That natural scent is an aphrodisiac, exciting you on such a subtle level that you may never even recognize what turned you on.

A lot of people have the misconception that they need to go out and buy expensive perfumes or colognes but if a person picks up your scent it will be from your natural odor. Have you ever tried on the same perfume as someone but it didn't smell the same on you as it did them? That's because your body chemistry is unique and distinct...waiting for the right person to catch a whiff.

Tip:
Try putting on scents that enhance your natural pheromones and don’t over power them. Some aphrodisiac educing oils are jasmine, neroli, sandalwood, ylang ylang and my favorite…lavender. Try a dab of one of these oils in just the right places and you’ll be sure to get a rise from your mate.

"Love, Sex and the Sense of Smell: Essential Oil Aphrodisiacs: Valentine's Day Romance is in the Air Suite101.com" - http://naturalmedicine.suite101.com/article.cfm/love_sex_and_the_sense_of_smell#ixzz0HHRNs5T0&A

THIRSTY WOMEN FINISH LAST

JAMES: went to door 44 a few weeks ago and it was hot and the women were hot looking but poor quality because I was hit up for rent money, brake pads, etc…
SHELLI: WTF, serious? that always happens to u
JAMES: I know..why do u think so
SHELLI: Do you put your financial biz out there?
JAMES: nah....just younger women I guess. They tend to have more issues.
SHELLI: The problem with women is they don't realize a man is supposed to take care of you for life...but you can scare him away if you don't play your position right early on
JAMES: Yep…I don’t mind spending but if u ask too soon it’s a big turnoff
*The above is an actual conversation (his real name has been protected)

First of all ladies let me say: A man doesn’t owe you anything. Period! Never go to a bar with an empty wallet; never ask a man you barely know for money. Men are innately equipped with the “take care of your woman” gene. Aside from getting his paper right, there is nothing a man wants more than to provide for his family. You can’t be that woman over night. Again let me restate the problem: WOMEN DON’T REALIZE IT’S A MAN’S JOB TO TAKE CARE OF US FOR LIFE.

The recommendation: Ladies, stop acting so damn THIRSTY! Fostering a lasting relationship with a man takes time and patience. Short term, yes you might get your rent paid or new break pads, but you won’t get the ring (or whatever your long term relationship goal is). Look for more than just a short term peak of your goodies.

I might get heat from this, but if you aren’t looking for a relationship you can have six men taking care of you at once but you still gotta play your cards right and asking for too much too soon ain’t how you get there.

The THIRSTY finish last.

UGLY WOMEN ARE ATTENTIVE!!??

So I’m hearing from the fella’s that ugly women do more to keep a man. I’m going to call these ugly women “precious” because ugly just seems so harsh. Anyway, they claim that precious women have more to lose so they go above and beyond the call of duty in the bedroom, kitchen and just being attentive to the needs of men on a whole. These precious women basically over compensate because they don’t feel their looks will keep a man. Looks period should not keep a person around, but okay I realize they do…but for how long?

I used to think that it didn’t matter how much a woman over compensates; a man will not stay with a woman that he doesn’t find attractive – inside and out, but for real...I have seen some fine a** men with some precious looking women and it does make you wonder, “wow, how did she get him?”

On the flip said, these brotha’s told me that pretty women are SPOILED and it’s always about “me, me, me”. They said that these women are less attentive and too self centered to cater to the needs of their man. I find that interesting because pretty women are spoiled because men have spoiled them, so fella’s you created that monster and it’s probably too late to tame it. You all get so goo-goo-ga-ga when you see a pretty women. Salivation just runs down your mouth and honestly, men don’t think very logically around pretty women.

They also said that pretty women are NOT good in bed and just want to lay there and look cute. Actually, this one surprised me because I would think a woman’s experience would determine her expertise in the bedroom – not her looks. My advice: ladies don’t be too cute to sweat and if you’re sharing your body with a man then you should be comfortable letting your inner kitten out.

UGLY(precious) vs. PRETTY…IS THERE SOME LEGITIMACY TO THIS?

MALE VS. FEMALE ROLES...THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 50/50

Last weeks blog was about RULES but this week let’s explore ROLES (and I’m not talking about playing dress up & role playing but we must explore that in another blog haha).

I’m a career woman so I know the roles in my relationship have to be modified, but not so much that I strip him of his manhood or me of my femininity. Ladies, let a man be a man and part of that is being a hunter/gatherer so he can care for his family. Modify your roles so the feminine and masculine traits are not stripped.

When I was a little girl I was determined not to accept my womanly role in life. I would watch my mother do all the cooking and cleaning and I vowed that when I got married, all that stuff would be 50/50…THEN I GREW UP…THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 50/50.

Now I know, generally speaking, the house is my responsibility and everything that comes with it…cooking, cleaning, laundry, Etc. Do I expect my future husband to help out in those areas…yes, but I think once we accept our roles, then duties of the house and family will run smoothly.

My sister went to pre-marital counseling and the pastor had them list each thing they would be individually responsible for. Of course that list will change for each couple but you have to recognize the things you’re good at handling, while also recognizing your innate capabilities. And for God’s sake, please don’t assume that your mate just automatically knows the role distinctions. You must communicate your strengths and weaknesses so the roles can be executed effectively.

Ladies, don’t fight your roles. It’s okay to take care of home but fella’s it’s just as cool to help out so you don’t take all her hard work for granted.